Sometimes you make it so fucking difficult to talk to you. Why? Why in the world do you have to try and read something more into EVERY word i say? You're so busy looking for "what i'm really saying" that you are completely missing what I am really saying. This isn't some sort of game that I play with you that delights me. Actually if I'm being honest, it pisses me off, it makes me want to give you a stone cold stunner and smash broken glass in your eyes! Would I ever seriously do that? No. Of course not. But I'm trying to convey to you here how much this redundant arguement infuriates me.
You know me. If I have something to say. I say it. When I'm ready, I say it. I chose my words very carefully because I of all people know how tricky they can be. I know how I can say one thing and you can hear something completely different. I know this. I'm careful. So when I say something, for fuck sakes, PLEASE, take it at face value. Don't rip it apart and analyze it until it's unrecognizable and label it as mine.
Because it's not. Not my words, not my feelings, not my thoughts, not what I said.
And by doing that you are changing me in your mind, your version of me, how your heart sees me. And it's not true. It's not me. You make me an unwilling participant by casting me as nothing more than a mirror, and You stand there and argue with the reflection of your own insecurities.
I love you. But you are in serious danger of punch in the mouth, that or a tranq dart, some duct tape and my Kathy Bates Misery impression to hammer some sense into you because you are driving me mental. I can't stand constantly defending and re-explaining my every thought and response to you just to make things "ok" for you.
You are on a cliff here, so step back or fucking jump. Either way I'll hold your hand, just don't ask me to explain it. Me holding your hand means I love you. It means I'm in this with you. It means you are not alone. It means that sometimes.. I'm scared too.
You are my friend. Let me be your friend. I'm on your side. Try to put on those goggles the next time that you are reading into what I'm saying, maybe then you'll see a different story. One that starts with understanding and support and ends in safe acceptance.
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