Random Baths #36: Sep 17/10

So I decided to share a tidbit from my quirkier side. I realize this may seem weird to some of you, and to those individuals I say, "shut it. Nobody asked you to read this, Okay Judger Guy? And As if you don't have way freaken weirder shit going on anyways." So I LOVE taking baths, this stems from the fact that I have ridiculously poor circulation and therefore I am always cold. normal you say, yes but here's the quirky, I like taking baths at random houses of friends or even at parties if I'm cold. I want to secretly get into the Guinness book for this one day.

I said shut it.

ANYWAYS…

I was at an outdoor work shindig and it was blisteringly cold. Like freeze the nuts off a squirrel, Luke Skywalker hypothermic on Hoth having to cut open a friggen animal to crawl inside and cuddle with it's steaming entrails cold. I kid you not. So naturally after it was over I went to a friends to thaw by the fire and attempt to warm myself by ingesting legally reasonable amounts of alcohol. This just wasn't cutting it. I needed to be submerged in searingly hot water, preferably with high powered jets and bubbles smelling of chocolate and baked goods. To my surprise my dear host had these exact ingredients required to cure my near death condition. Although her bubbles smelled more of warm floral then chocolate, but hey, it was pretty damn close, and I don't look in gift whores mouths for anything. … disgusting, filthy whores...ouu my favorite;) (horse? I dunno but my way sounds better and makes WAY more sense.)

I just want to add here, that I like to think of myself as a Bath Critic. The same as a Food Critic or a Movie Critic. You should be so lucky as to have me in your tub. I have only the highest of hygiene standards and am a borderline germaphobe so I'm not just jumping in anybody's wash bay here. Only the upscale, and extremely clean bathtubs are even taken into consideration when making the decision venue wise for one of my Random Baths. If I walk in and you got the grime, you're done. I'm out. And there are NO second chances here my friend. I'm not the forgiving type when it comes to this area. So if I do ask to use your tub, you should be elated at the opportunity, and thrilled at the possible overnight notoriety and super stardom status that this could bring to you.

At this particular venue I had a short but amazing time.
It completely scored high on my 3C's O-Meter:
1) Clean - this is a big one. This was an immaculately clean bathroom. Kudos to you hostess.
2) Comfortable - this was officially the longest bathtub I've ever been in. It was like an Olympic swimming lane. And granted I may have been a little drunk but I swear Michael Phelps passed me during my second lap. I could have laid flat and been submerged head to toe. None of this eating your knees crap. NICE.
3) Calming - this is crucial as it is the total purpose of the random bath. To be soothed, cradled, loved by the tub. This is what you want. This is the ultimate goal. To forget that you are in a foreign tub and to feel completely at home.

I got out pink from head to toe and in complete bliss.
I give this Random Bath a whopping 9.5 rings around the tub out of possible 10.
Congratulations to the hostess, I will recommend this to all our friends.