Basic Math

Life + Love = Live

My Professor reminded me of this fundamental equation & it's importance.

I love how she makes learning both fun and mental.

So ask yourself, are you living? Are you alive or just breathing?

Shhh...

Behind your words,
there are hesitations,
reservations,
stipulations.

So I,
Take it back.
Keep it in.
Don't say a word.

I make it nothing.
Keep it silent.
Remain unheard.

I turn it off.
Look away.
Pretend I'm cured.

Verbally I'm impossible,
invisible,
incapable.

Emotionally I'm incarcerated,
castrated,
isolated.

So I,
bury it beneath,
don't make a sound.

I grind it till it's gone,
and can't be found.

I cover it in fear,
under the ground.

Leaving no place left to go,
but down....

------

"Got a letter from a messenger
I read it when it came
It said that you were wounded
You were bound and chained
You had loved and you were handled
You were poisoned, you were pained
Oh no
Oh no
You were naked, you were shamed

You could almost touch heaven
Right there in front of you
Liberty just slipped away on us
Now there's so much work to do
Oh the door that closes tightly
Is the door than can swing wide
Oh no
Oh no
Not expecting to collide

For a minute I let my guard down
Not afraid to be found out
I completely forgot dear
What our fears were all about
Oh no there's no need to be without

If there's a chance I would take it
This desire I can't kill
Take my heart please don't break it
I will crawl to your foothill

I'm frightened but I'm coming
Please baby please lay still
Oh no
Oh no
I'm not coming for the kill"

- The Tea Party

Things that I've learned.

 I've learned that You can't bring back something once it's gone. You can remember it. Be grateful for it, for the time you had. But that's all. No amount of need, want or love can change or bring back what's gone.

I've learned that people lie to themselves about what's broken and what's gone, because they can't let go. Because broken offers hope that healing will come, and with it redemption. But gone is different. It's definite. It's permanent. And accepting this means accepting loss, and the forever kind of heartache that it brings with it.

I've learned that in this particular scenario it is nearly impossible to recognize when you're lying to yourself because although your heart always knows the difference between a lie and the truth, even when you brain doesn't, it does the unthinkable; As an act of self preservation it partners with denial and lies to your brain too.

That's why some of the smartest people believe the unbelievable. Stay when they should leave..close their eyes and embrace the familiar. Hanging on for dear life, afraid of the fall. Not realizing the crash already happened and that they are just existing, part of the wreckage.

I've learned that i'm not a masochist, i'm just in love and that there really isn't any difference.

I've learned that I know very little compared to what I thought I knew, and that I understand even less.

I've learned all the lyrics to: Baby I'm Amazed. Because I love it.

I've learned that being good at loving someone is life's great accomplishment, and that we should all strive for this daily

They

Walk the way they do,
Smile at all of them.
I'm not breathing yet,
But we'll just pretend.
Tear away the skin,
Close your eyes to me.
I'm the same as you,
But you refuse to see.
Rip open the wound,
Carved in selfish need.
It will heal in time,
But not before it bleeds.
Soak it all up now,
Before there's nothing there.
I'll pretend I'm hurt.
You pretend to care.