6ft Under

"You have my permission not to love me;
I am a cathedral of deadbolts
and I'd rather burn myself down
than change the locks."
-Rachel McKibbens; "Letter From My Brain To My Heart"

Our hearts were tethered together.
but I brought the hurt, so now I'll make it better.
My only way out is to cut myself.
Left for dead, and put back on the shelf.

Nothing worth a damn costs less than it all.
So I gave you my breath,
because I was starting to fall..
for you.

Until I read the words that you said.
Now I'm retreating to the darkness within.
Writing down memories, trying to expel,
those words and feelings that cut me to hell.
Cut to my heart, cut to my core.
Sliced me clean through, still thirsty for more.

My "I told you so's" berating me,
salting the wounds,
purifying through pain,
with scars that still bloom.
To make sure I never forget,
this absence of air and the taste of regret.

So still and silent,
cold and quiet,
I box up my heart...
and lay down beside it.
And listen to it say,
that I just shouldn't be,
tethered to a heart,
that I only make bleed.

------

"We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so..."

- Sarah Mclachlan