i actually didn't intend at all on blogging about this..
i had something much more important to me emotionally, things that needed to be worked through out loud (on paper) but then out of no where, HE does it, HE comes along and now here i am on a tangent that is just screaming to be heard.
and scene:
husband in the bathroom after running on the treadmill, looking all "Hotty McFit" (yes he was sweaty too, but it was that worked out hard, muscles flexed unintentionally, clean sweat, that sweat i mind less.. but still, get your ass in the shower and we'll talk) anyways he comes into the bathroom where i am getting ready (brushing teeth, moisturizing etc) and in the interest of full disclosure I'm in self loathing mode here on the physical front. So there i am, panties and bra, preforming my nightly ritual and he walks past me all whistling and hops in the shower...
WELLL yeah i guess, I'd be whistling too, if i could run like the cop from Terminator 2 without ever training, i mean, it's practically effortless for him, and he can just drop 25 pounds in 2 months with just the power of his mind!!!!
so he says to me, "hey baby, whatcha thinking about?" followed by, "wow, do i feel great. Just a few more pounds to go"
i reply, "This is all your fault!! YOU did this to me! I had your babies and now I'm scarred for life! literally, 2 C-sections and stretch marks that look like i had flames tattooed on my stomach! Not to mention the perfectly donut shaped ring of fat that is 6" in diameter that will NEVER i repeat NEVER go away without surgical assistance!!"
He starts blabbing about how good i look, blah blah blah, trying to calm me down, yet another attempt to soothe me into submission and impregnate me and add another dozen to the donut box! (pardon my vulgarity)
anyways, I'm not buying the "i love you and you ARE skinny" pep talk, so i wander off into the bedroom and hop into bed, ready to leave it at that and let bygones be bygones when suddenly...
in walks Mr. Naked from the waist up/towel from the waist down CLEAN/HOT/FIT guy, still running his mouth about my physical appearance trying to end the conversation on a positive note (i know, I'm laughing too, it's OK)
so he starts in by saying, "you know what I look for in a woman honey?" (in my head I'm thinking, really did you just say that? your answer better be nothing, because i am a happily married man) he says," I'm looking for beautiful eyes and a full and beautiful mouth..which you have, and great breasts..which you have, and a round and beautiful butt and great legs..which you have, and you've got that other great thing that i love." (wink wink) "the rest i don't care about"
really? cause the rest is all the stuff that i am NOT happy with and it's pretty much half of my body, so that's great that you're all fine with it. I'm really F@$king happy that your world is great.
oh wait, did i forget momentarily that this conversation was about how you feel? Silly me, I thought that this was about me? about how i feel about me? i didn't realize that this whole conversation was about if you were OK with how i looked. wheww!! thank goodness, well that just changes EVERYTHING now doesn't? in that case I'm totally happy with 50% of myself too!! yay!! cheers for us and our supreme happiness with my mediocrity!! Plus it's reassuring to know that if I'm ever in an accident where I become a deformed freak and lose 50% of my body or at least the motor skills and functionality in 50% of it, you'll be OK. (well as long as it's the 50% of my body that you look for in me.)
well. excellent. now if only we had men to fix all our problems with their sensible and logical talk life would be soooo much simpler...literally.
Geez.
so i, not being able to stand much more of this "pep talk" say, "thanks honey, you're so smart, i feel better already."
and they say women always want to talk.
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