The Haunting

I've been spending time with your ghost the last few days, all the memories you gave me to keep before you left. Like you knew you were going. It's been a long time, since I gave my time and thoughts to you. I spoke your name for the first time in 14yrs. 14 years since you left. 5113 days. That I couldn't share with you. I have kids now, I'm married. So many things have happened between then and now that knowing you feels like a dream. Like I imagined you. But I know you were real. I can't let myself think about you for long, it's too hard. There is just so much regret. I just keep thinking that if I could have found the right combination of words to string together you would have heard me. You would have listened. But you were so far away and all you could hear was the pain..
I still miss you..


I look you in the eye,
and you're trying hard to smile.
And you're trying not to fall.
And you say that you're alright,
but I'm scared you'll lose it all.
You can't pretend that you don't feel inside.
You push me away because of all your pride.

So, You're looking back at me,
and I'm trying hard to smile.
And I'm trying not to cry.
And I listen for a while,
but you're leaving me behind.
I can't let go of how I feel inside.
I can't hold onto you and watch you die.

Just tell me that you want help.
Or tell me that you'll try,
don't tell me that it's alright,
because I don't believe that lie.

This sickness isn't something that you can control.
I'm losing one of the most amazing friends that I'll ever know.
------

"And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait till then"
- Zac Brown Band