35 & Counting...

                                     
As I get older, I realize how not 'grown up' I really am.  I realize more and more how little I really know, how much I still have to learn.. about others, about myself.  And at first these thoughts scared me. Terrified me, sometimes I even let them cripple me. But then there was this other thought. The thought that it's all out of my control. That in these things I'm powerless, and that I just had to let go. To keep putting one foot in front of the other and it would be ok. To trust in that thought and to try and embrace the fear of the unknown. To allow myself to live in the moment, and to try my hardest not to spend my every waking moment worrying about tomorrow and the things and hurts that may never come. It was a great thought. And every morning I wake up, and I tell myself that today is another new day that I'm going to try to do it again, that I'm going to try to learn something new, and in the process become... something new. But I'm old enough to know that sometimes becoming something new means letting go of something old.


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                                     You Learn

              "After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

              
               And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

 

And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth…

And you learn and learn…

With every good-bye you learn."

 

- Jorge Luis Borges