Say Hi to her for me, the she that I never see..

We always pursue that of which we are most afraid....

Consciously or subconsciously.

I've thought a lot about these words tonight and analyzed them as they've pertained to my life.
For me it is true.
And now that I know that, now that I understand it and it's relation to me,
I find I am seeing things very differently.
It's strange how things can be so unnoticeably foggy and you think that your vision as you perceive it is fine.
Then in a moment, everything just becomes SO clear and you realize how blurry it was before.
I love epiphanies, especially when they are not fleeting.
I love the ability to think, to really absorb and immerse yourself in thought and idea and the whole simply complicated process of applying it to yourself, like a giant coat of understanding that you try on to see how it fits.
I like seeing and learning new things or i guess technically old things that i never saw or knew about myself before.
I need to know me, to take the TIME to really know me.
Time passes so fast and i get caught up in others, other things and i forget that I'm changing.
that I need to GIVE myself the time to listen to me. To remember what path I'm on and what motivates me.

To remember why...

Why, I'm doing ALL of this...
What I love......what I need... and why.
Where I need to improve for me and for those I care for.
I mean it's true that I've been in a relationship with myself for 34 years and it's the one that gets the back burner, the one that I take for granted.
When in reality it's the one that I NEED to work on.
I devote my time to other relationships in my life that I've been in for far less than half of my life. And there is nothing wrong with that but it would be borderline insane and for sure remiss of me not to make it a priority to cultivate and nurture the primary relationship with myself.
After all I'm the only one who can do that, who can fill that role in my life.

So I'm saying hi to me today, to my heart, to the she that I never see. I'm telling her that I need her, to be whole, and that I'm promising to give her what she needs..

And maybe she'll forgive me.. and let me in.