bad luck or no luck, ummmm yeah, THESE are my options?!

I'm not kidding, these are really my options. Daily. I mean, I've always been "accident prone" so they tell me. "They" being mostly my mother, who, never misses an opportunity to marvel at my majestic klutziness. She says that I really was a spectacle growing up, that if there was something to get tangled in, trip on, bump into, or cut myself on, I'd find it. Usually with my face.

Here's a quick snapshot of my chart at the local Emerge:

1)nail clean through right foot and shoe.
2)stitches above right eye.
3)stitches in left wrist.
4)stitches in right middle finger.
5)stitches on bridge of nose.
6)stitches in back of my head.
7)stitches in gaping hole in my right thigh (where part of a tree used to be)
8)broken right middle finger.(splint)
9)broken left pinkie.(splint)
10)2 broken knuckles on right hand.
11)broken left wrist.(casted)
12)broken right wrist.(casted)
13)broken nose fractured in 3 place, twice.
14)torn ligaments in my right ankle, 3 times. (requiring crutches)
15)torn ligaments in my left knee.(requiring crutches)
16)broken 4 toes on right foot.
17)fell into a hornet's nest and was stung roughly 17 times.
18)was admitted to hospital for concussion received by a bottle to the head.
19)was admitted to hospital for concussion received from smacking my head on a curb.
20)chipped left elbow.
etc..

The events surrounding these injuries range from your everyday picking up flowers for a friend in the hospital to just plain old riding a on a bus. Frankly it doesn't seem to matter what the venue is, I just naturally gravitate towards danger. My friend told me this week if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have none. It's true. I'm a jinx and the Universe is out to get me. I think putting me in daily peril amuses it.

Which brings me to this weeks shining example:

After a long week of sick kids, and projectile mucus vomit in spades, I finally felt like I was coming through it. The kids were down to a mild death cough and I decided to go for a walk. That some fresh, puke free air would be good for me, seeing as I hadn't slept much in 3 nights, and I needed to make it through one more day before falling into a coma. So there I am, walking, SINGING even, when out of no where a black cat scurries speedy fast out of the bushes to my right and runs right across my path. Literally, like a foot in front of me.

"Great." I think to myself, "That's typical, now what?"

and as I hear the words out loud coming out of my mouth, a bird SHITS on my head!!

UNBELIEVABLE. I was told that moving targets are supposedly harder to hit? Apparently not for the flying assassin that targeted me.

I just stop. And stand there. Then you can here me say in a fairly loud voice, "MOTHERF#%KER!!"

"Of Course." I should have known. "Well played." I say out loud, so the Universe can hear me. Because everyone knows it can't read minds, but it can hear just f%@king fine.

And there you have it, a glimpse into my everyday existence. I'll be honest with you though, for the record I'd be totally happy with no luck. No luck seems like good luck to me.

I love to read, and good books are hard to find.

I could tell by the look in your eyes last night, that you saw me.
Really saw me, and you understood.
That comforts me. Knowing that I didn't have to explain.
That without the words my heart still spoke to you, and that you heard it, felt it.
That you found it's whisper deafening.
I've never been told that before, that I'm like a book that you can't put down, that you love to read, and want to immerse yourself in. That you NEED to know more.
It was a powerful statement. Almost as powerful as your eyes searching my face, proclaiming their sincerity, and trying to unmask my emotions.
I should have said something, but.. I couldn't.
I couldn't speak.
Every word seemed inadequate, and they just stayed there, trapped, in my throat.
There were things that I wanted to tell you,
Like how Your thoughts and feelings conveyed moved me.
And I felt a hunger for more..
A need to be known by you.
A desire matched in intensity only by fear.
Fear of being lost, and..being found.
What choice do I have?
I'm lead by my heart and where it goes I will follow obediently...
As it lights my way, even in the darkness.

Welcome Colonel Angus:)

Man oh man where do I start? South I suppose! (ba dum ching!!) I'm about to tackle a touchy and sensitive subject,(Pun intended) so for those of you who are offended, then I'm sorry you are a prude and I advise you at this point to stop reading as you will quickly find yourself feeling uncomfortable. But, then again, you are probably used to that and find it comforting in some strange way. Therefore you must be subconsciously seeking it out, and in that case I am more than happy to provide you with feelings of sexual awkwardness.

Our story begins innocently enough, over drinks with a friend. Topics of interest and humor come and go with every passing minute, some serious, some in jest, things just flowing as they do when women gab. The TV is on in the background and a SNL skit comes on featuring Rachel Dratch and Amy Poehler, both of whom I love. The skit is full of innuendo about Oral Sex. It was hysterical, so I am of course laughing my ass off. When all of a sudden my girlfriend says plainly that she could do without my dear Colonel Angus. She said that all of her experiences with Colonel Angus had been less than exciting and more like an exercise in embarrassment and disappointment, and therefore a total waste of time.

She said that, She didn't "get it" at all. WHAT!!??!

well, "obviously you didn't 'get it' was my response." (tee hee, I'm terrible)
but seriously? I felt really bad for her. I mean she's had boyfriends, serious and other and after all these years, there she is, sitting there, telling me that it not only doesn't interest her, but that the thought of having it performed actually turns her off?! huh?!

Ladies, I don't know about you, but I for one LOVE it and think that it's a wonderful and beautiful thing. (when done right) Mainly because it's one of the few times that I am indulging in a little selfish behaviour, and letting someone else take care of my needs, instead of it being like everything else in my life where I'm taking care of everyone else and taking care of myself;)

That being said, it is a vulnerable act of surrender, and self-confidence in one. Not many things are like this. If it's being offered then I say take the bull by the horns, so to speak and use the opportunity to guide the Colonel in the right direction. Don't just write it off. If you do you are missing out.

So in summary give Colonel Angus a chance to peak your excitement, and don't be afraid to be verbal, we all know from other life experience that they won't ask for directions and most of them speed. Just think of yourself as the real life GPS lady.

We only see two things in another person.
What we want to see, and what they want to show us.

It doesn't matter how close two people think the are, an infinite distance still separates them...

Tonights Musical Dreamscape Encounter

I love being human. being real, just being. The ability and opportunity to tap into the miracle that is life and all the feelings that come with it. New music tonight.

It's all so fiercely beautiful. Surreal, and still, so moving... so all encompassing.

I could let myself drown in this. The music. ... the words.. they course through my veins, bleed from me. Pouring from every facet of my being.

My every pulse, every movement, in tune with my surroundings. The hairs on the nape of my neck acutely aware of the faintest change in the air around me.

It pierces me, cuts through me with every cord. And as crazy as it sounds, after one taste, I am known by it. I am burned pure, exposed, naked.

The intensity of it stirs my emotions and resonates so deeply inside of me, that i'm left poignantly breathless....

It's all so powerful, so completely raw, so vulnerable in every sense of the word. This world, my world, more than any one person could have dreamed alone. But it is my dream.

And i've opened myself up to it, and with that my own awakening.

I am, in this moment, wholly and perfectly mortal and infinite all at once.

how can two completely opposing ideas, be so inextricably fused, sharing the same moment?

I am filled with awe and wonder. tonight has been captured in my mind and these revelations cemented in my heart.

I am overwhelmed with a profound sense of calm.

Like the steadying of a heart that has been barely beating for so long...