Taking a step in humility and trust never seems easy....even if it's only a baby step.

So January is the month of Prayer and Fasting. Of submitting to God and humbling yourself to trust in Him, relying on Him for your needs. Giving Him the opportunity to come through for you, to draw near to Him. And I'm going to do this. I'm committing to this challenge and allowing God to work not only in my life, but more importantly in me.

I think that this will be incredibly difficult for the following reasons:

1) I'm used to relying on myself, I forget to let Him in, ALL the time.
2) I'm easily tempted by food, and easily distracted by about a million other things….willingly.
3) I'm scared to let go of the familiar, of the things that comfort me.
4) It's hard for me to trust, to take a leap and hand everything over. Worrying is in my blood. It's a disease, I know this. Part of me lives for the stress.
5) It's hard to examine your life, and yourself honestly. Realizing, and acknowledging areas you need to grow in and habits that you need to change is one thing. But actually acting on those realizations and committing to change is completely different.
6) I'm not so great at being a grown up. I can fake it, but on the inside, a lot of the time, I feel like a kid who is so not ready to take care of herself, never mind others.

Note: this isn't just a fasting from food thing, it's can be any kind of fast. Fasting from anything that you turn to in order to feel better and cope instead of God.
Some notable mentions for me are: TV, MOVIES, downloading music, even that word mole game, work.

But I know that I need to realign myself with God. In order to ever find out His purpose for me I'm actually going to have to let Him in. I'm going to have to nurture that relationship if I ever expect it to grow. And make no mistake, I do want it to grow. I want to grow, in love, in peace, in patience, kindness, joyfulness,in understanding. I want to be fruitful. I want to be better than the girl who never sought more than her self. Because in my heart of hearts I know that there is more than this life. That He is all that I need, His grace is sufficient and His love endures forever.

So in the wake of all of this thought, I have decided to participate wholeheartedly this month and open my eyes , and listen with my ears in hopes that maybe, just maybe I'll hear His voice, and see His plan for me.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.