Dear Sir...or... Madam? whatever, shave your face, don't get all pissy with me because you can't pick up a bic

Today's top story: Local Woman escapes with her life, authorites search for "Wolverine" attacker.

I walk into Shoppers (bun dump ching! I know it's a joke in itself, F'n SDM.) Anyways I walk into Shoppers to pick up some milk on my way home from work. Now I know you are all familiar with my feelings towards SDM and are wondering to yourselves,"After all the shit they've put you through, why did you even go in? Are you a masochist or something?"

My answer is simply this, "No, I am NOT. I'm just Lazy, and their the closest to home. 'Lazy' me trumps 'Firey indignation' me every time."

So there I am in the dairy section, minding my business, looking for the 2% milk, which I can't quite see as there is a large man blocking my view. Being the extremely polite person that I was raised to be, of course I say,"Excuse me sir, can I please squeeze past you, I just need to grab a jug of milk?"

well, the mister turned out to be none other than a sister.

yep.

then she says in a low growl, "I think you mean Ma'am."

Really? Cause at this point I don't know what to think. Except, that I'm not a geneticist but based on your beard I'd say there's a good chance you're pack'n a pair of balls too.

Literally, it was ZZ Tops 4th member, no joke. (although I am giggling thinking about it)

The worst part was that I was thinking in my head but not talking with my mouth. So this has now become me in a stare down, with what could only be described as a Sasquatch in a stolen "Women's"(allegedly) parka, next to the 50% off sour cream. (Which by the way was not nearly as sour as the piss face I was getting from Fuzzywuzzy.)

Now I'm not a total jerk, I realize how much it must suck to grow hair on your face. And at first I did feel really bad for my mistake, although I would challenge any of you to tell the difference cause this was definitely one for the judges, but after our initial brief exchange, he/she grabs the last jug of 2% milk and says to me, "Where you looking for this? uh oh, looks like their out. Sorrrrrry."

I shit you not. And her, "Sorrrrrry" was all long-nasally sarcastic. And when they say it like that, you know they don't mean it.

I tell you, it's just lucky that it convinced me that there was a 50% chance it was a female or I would have kicked it in it's hairy balls. I didn't because I'm a lady and I don't hit girls. (Whores are another story, I will smack a whore full in mouth if she's sass'n me. No manners, those chicks. I'm kidding, I'd never smack a whore, the germs alone might kill me. It's just dangerous.)

Honestly, I was tempted to take it's license plate and call animal control, instead I settled for grabbing a handful of razors bags and stealthy placing them in it's basket before I busted out of there in a blaze of glory.

Small victory, but I'll take it.

I dreamt of you today

I had a dream and you were in it. You were crying. I asked what was wrong,
and you lied. I could tell by the look in your eyes. They speak the truth even when you don't. In that instant my heart dropped, and I felt that same familiar sinking feeling in the pit of me, one that I haven't felt for years where you're concerned. I can feel it even now, when I'm awake, and it still feels real.

but I need you to know something. Even though this was a dream, I can feel the truth in it. You're keeping something from me, and it's hurting you. I want you to know, that I forgive you.

I forgive you for feeling embarrassed to show weakness, even to me.
I forgive you for not confiding in me because I'm the voice that will tell you, out loud, all the reasons why it's wrong, and you aren't ready to hear that.
I forgive you for not trusting me and thinking that I'll judge you.
I forgive you for being ashamed to admit that you're scared. Scared to admit that you don't always have the answers, and that you aren't sure of your decisions. Scared to admit that maybe you're not perfect, even though I know everything about you, flaws and all, and still you're perfect for me.
I forgive for you for not loving yourself enough, enough to believe in the goodness that is in you. You ARE good.

but none of that matters, me forgiving you isn't what's important. For you to really move past any of this and move forward you need to forgive yourself. That is something I can't do for you.

I am here, and will be, whenever you need me.
More importantly I love you, unconditionally.

I had a dream, and you were in it, and you were crying, and I heard you, and I saw your pain, and I'm here, and I just wanted you to know.

Taking a step in humility and trust never seems easy....even if it's only a baby step.

So January is the month of Prayer and Fasting. Of submitting to God and humbling yourself to trust in Him, relying on Him for your needs. Giving Him the opportunity to come through for you, to draw near to Him. And I'm going to do this. I'm committing to this challenge and allowing God to work not only in my life, but more importantly in me.

I think that this will be incredibly difficult for the following reasons:

1) I'm used to relying on myself, I forget to let Him in, ALL the time.
2) I'm easily tempted by food, and easily distracted by about a million other things….willingly.
3) I'm scared to let go of the familiar, of the things that comfort me.
4) It's hard for me to trust, to take a leap and hand everything over. Worrying is in my blood. It's a disease, I know this. Part of me lives for the stress.
5) It's hard to examine your life, and yourself honestly. Realizing, and acknowledging areas you need to grow in and habits that you need to change is one thing. But actually acting on those realizations and committing to change is completely different.
6) I'm not so great at being a grown up. I can fake it, but on the inside, a lot of the time, I feel like a kid who is so not ready to take care of herself, never mind others.

Note: this isn't just a fasting from food thing, it's can be any kind of fast. Fasting from anything that you turn to in order to feel better and cope instead of God.
Some notable mentions for me are: TV, MOVIES, downloading music, even that word mole game, work.

But I know that I need to realign myself with God. In order to ever find out His purpose for me I'm actually going to have to let Him in. I'm going to have to nurture that relationship if I ever expect it to grow. And make no mistake, I do want it to grow. I want to grow, in love, in peace, in patience, kindness, joyfulness,in understanding. I want to be fruitful. I want to be better than the girl who never sought more than her self. Because in my heart of hearts I know that there is more than this life. That He is all that I need, His grace is sufficient and His love endures forever.

So in the wake of all of this thought, I have decided to participate wholeheartedly this month and open my eyes , and listen with my ears in hopes that maybe, just maybe I'll hear His voice, and see His plan for me.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.