Down.
In two.
I broke myself.
Intentionally.
Carefully. .. I thought.
Controlled break for the greater good.
But feelings flow like chemicals in a gaseous state,
letting just a little out is virtually impossible.
With every word, the corresponding emotion blew through me like a cold wind.
And before I knew it
I was frozen, and a final simple thought,
pushed me over..
and I fell.
Shattering into a million tiny little pieces.
Again.
I broke myself today.
In an effort to be transparent,
to build something completely new,
with a strong foundation.
That meant letting go old things.
Things that had been rooted in me,
keeping me, in a lot of ways imprisoning me.
Funny I actually thought that I could do this,
break myself down, willingly,
and then pick up those pieces and
place them back carefully,
like professional bomb maker of sorts.
After all I know the lay out better than anyone...
but nothing is ever that simple.
Especially not feelings.
Today,
I failed.
I failed as a friend, as a mother, as a daughter, as a Mrs, as a wife.
I failed myself too.
And to all of you, I'm sorry.
I tried to be better, but I'm not.
Tomorrow however is another chance for me to try.
And this I promise all of you that I love and hold so dear,
I will try, my very best, to be better.
To be the friend, mother, daughter, Mrs and Wife that you deserve.
....Just give me today....to find my light again.
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