The Other Half of Me

I watched you today.
Or should I say,
I watched the other half of me,
do all of the funny little sorts of things,
I like to do.
I watched me laugh.
I watched me smile.
I watched me snuggle.
And for a while,
I watched me do all of the funny little sorts of things,
I like to do.
You listen to me.
You help me breathe.
I am just who I want to be.
And I do all of the funny little sorts of things,
I like to do.
But they just wouldn't mean anything
...without you.

------

"Wishful thinking I might be yours.
Drifting on every step
I'm always drawn to the dark horse
Sweet sweet, oh nothing's said

And every dream, is just a dream after all
And everything stands so still when you dance
Everything spins so fast
And the night's in a paper cup
When you want it to last

Wishful thinking you might be mine
Every shiver sends
One breath under the bridge of sighs
Bending where the river bends
And every dream, is just a dream, after all"

- Heather Nova

"What nourishes me destroys me." - Christopher Marlowe

"Teach us...To give and not to count the cost..." - St. Ignatius Loyola

"I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go."
- Theodore Rothke, "The Waking"

A Tailor Made Role

It's all in the suit that you wear.
So paint your face,
mask on and ready.
The curtain's coming up,
be still, be steady.
The whisper of the crowd is a fervent frenzy,
and they'll eat you alive, if you miss step.
Remember your lines.
Remember your breath.
No mistakes this time, keep it in check.

Glass grin wide.
And keep your feet moving.
Give it all for the moment,
heart committed to losing.
You better make them love you.
So don't bring your 'wrong' or your 'too much',
they want the act without the crutch.
Don't do damaged, make it pretty.
Make it magical, make it witty.

Can you hear it?
The warm applause of empty praise.
Hold it close,
and take a bow as they dissipate.
And in the quiet dark discern,
which suit you'll wear,
and which one you'll burn.

------

"Hey you, someone said you were lost out there
In the grip, trying to strangle us all down here
In the meantime, are you ever gonna set us free
Hey you, will we ever get out of here?

Are you ever gonna surrender
do you even care
Wasn't talking about sweet submission
It wasn't even there

All in the suit that you wear
When you're looking for something
It's in the suit that you wear
when you're hiding from someone
All in the suit that you wear
When you wear it

Hey You, you keep a-walking the razor
On the edge, you cut your feet when you stand in there
In the meantime, there's always someone to set you free
Hey You, will you ever get out of there

Are you ever gonna surrender
do you even care
Wasn't talking about sweet submission
It wasn't even there

All in the suit that you wear
When you're looking for something
It's in the suit that you wear
when you're hiding from someone
All in the suit that you wear
When you wear it"

- Stone Temple Pilots

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep..
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

- Robert Frost

"And it finally Dawned on me" she said with a smile..."My heart beats in time with love." After all, timing is everything...

Timing is everything... It's what they say. It's what I've been told time and time again and it's the same thing I've told others. Because it seems to be true.

Too little too late... There's another one.. Is that as true?

It feels that way.

Why does the wrong person always seem to say the right words when you need it?
Or maybe the right person just says them when it's too late...

Timing.

Change.

And now everything's different and the words that where once so right, once the only things you wished, wanted, needed to hear, are wrong. Out of place. Too late. And your past is there suddenly stepping back into your present, trying to claim you, desperately throwing life lines to the dead. Hoping to breathe love back into the heart of something that was once so painfully and beautifully alive, but now no longer beats.

Certain songs, snowfalls, the smell of warm sugar and the chill of cloudy days. All things that pulled me in. Things that used to hold me in the moment, in the memory, make me smile , even weep, now just leave me somber, stoic. They don't live in me anymore. They're just pretty headstones for what once was, for their too little too late, and only exist to serve as a reminder to me that timing is everything.

To remind me once more that now, it's time to let go. Time to look forward, not back.

Time to open my heart to hope, to promise, to tomorrow and everything it brings with it.. .

------

"Light reflects from your shadow
It is more than I thought could exist
You move through the room
Like breathing was easy
If someone believed me

They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
As in love with you as I am
They would be
In love, love, love

And everyday
I'm learning about you
The things that no one else sees
And the end comes too soon
Like dreaming of angels
And leaving without them..
And leaving without them.

And with words unspoken
A silent devotion
I know you know what I mean
And the end is unknown
But I think I'm ready
As long as you're with me

Being
As in love with you as I am.
Being
as in love with you as I am.
Being
In love, love, love..."

-The XX

All Uncovered

"If the world should end in ice,
In days of endless night,
I'll let the snowstorms cover me
In a blanket of white..." - the handsome family

Today after all these years..
all this time, I did the unthinkable..
I gave words to the evil I bore witness to.
I accepted my failing you, and willed myself to walk that road once more.
I opened that door to the past...willing myself, still so afraid to look back.
I've never spoke of it, never let it breath.
Did everything in my power to strangle it. Kill any trace of it in me.
And I left it there dead in the road.
but all it's done is rot and decay.
The smell of it lingered, in the background of it all.
Of all the moments between then and now..
Now I'm ready, ready to burn what's left of it,
before it's smell becomes my own.
before the scent of me is completely gone.
I'm all grown up now, and still I can't save you,
but maybe there's still a chance to save myself.