have you ever been hopeful? happy in a moment? thinking of something, looking forward to something maybe, or time, with someone? yeah me too. It's a great feeling, just content, easy breathing with an edge of excitement underlying. maybe even just a little of that tummy tickle at the prospect of it?
and then have you had someone come along and crush it? kick you straight shot in the emotional gut. it takes no effort on their part, no thought. but there you are sucking wind, literally almost. feeling that thick disappointment as you swallow whatever's left of your pride.
the best are the residual thoughts,'fuck it. i'm done. that's the last time i get set up like an idiot.' yep. nothing like losing the desire to try. to make an effort. Not really sure even why i give a shit anymore, or for that matter why it even surprises me. i should see it coming every time, i hesitate, so i guess in reality i kinda do, but that whole "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear" thing is more applicable than i give it credit for.
i think that this exact reason is why i'm non-committal.
don't commit + don't connect = don't get sucker punched in the heart + don't feel stupid.
seems like easy enough math. now to apply it tangibly.
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