Love Yourself

"I am self-propelled; fueled from within.

I appreciate people's opinions, but I am not attached to them.

I learned a long time ago that if I give them the power to feed me,

I also give them the power to starve me."

- Steve Maraboli

Sweet Little Duck

Today I say good-bye....

I haven't yet... allowed myself, to really say good-bye.
Good-bye to my person.
Good-bye to the person that I loved.
Good-bye to the person that I thought I knew...
That I thought knew me.
Good-bye to the person that I trusted... with everything.
Good-bye to my friend.
You, you were my best friend.
I didn't have to talk, and you knew me.
In silence and in laughter, you knew me.
S.S.'d me and made me laugh on the darkest of days.
And made me cry with nothing more than a sweet little duck.
And a hug that despite being from the tiniest little person felt as big as world.
I always believed in you. .. had faith in you, because our hearts were the same.
You always told me that.
That's why it was so hard when I realized that you had none in me...
After everything.
After all your "always" and "forever's".
When what you really meant was until...
You demanded safety but couldn't offer it.
Always afraid of the monsters in others,
Never seeing that it was the Jekyll that you could Hyde, that scared you the most.
and because of that you feared the same in me.
But I'm not you, I never was.
I wasn't even worth a second conversation which only told me one thing...
I never meant anything to you.
I was a "thing" that you needed, until you didn't...
never a "someone"... never a heart.
Your words used to carry the world and were weighted in truth,
because I believed them...  now they are meaningless.
Just letters standing side by side.
You were supposed to protect my heart, keep it safe.
But you abandoned it instead.
You were the judge, jury and executioner,
and I still don't even understand the charges against me. 
Telling your heart lies about mine and allowing yourself to believe them.
Drawing your lines, severing ties with surgical precision.
Like a black market organ swap exchanging hearts for the right price.
You cut mine out and threw it to the wolves.
All so you could finally get the one that you wanted.
Mine would have beat for you forever.
It was good... and loyal... and understanding...
and above all... it loved you.
Because you were my friend...
Because you were my family...
Because it called yours home...
Because that is how my heart is made.
And even now, my heart and head have had so many talks, and still it can't be reasoned with.
It doesn't work that way. It exists to love. And so it does what it knows how to do.
And it loves.
It loves the you that I knew, even if she never existed anywhere but in my mind.
And it will... for all it's days and with every beat. .. it will.
Because your heart will always be family to mine. 
And the rest of me just has to be ok with that.
And I am.
Sometimes you just have know when to let go,
because some things just shouldn't be this hard.
And with that...
With all of the heartbreak... and ruin...
with all of the good memories that I keep sacred in my heart.
I say good-bye... to your heart... to my home.
I love you.


------






Sweet Little Duck


"Sweet little duck I've been waiting for you
Wearin' my heart on my sleeve
And I sleep through most my days
So the time goes by
And I think, I drink more now than ever

'Cause you got me on your shelf and I just sit here
Thinkin' about when everything was right
And you say, you don't got any answers
Well, I'm tired of you not makin' up your mind
And on Tuesday, I'll be back for my things

And sweet little duck, I'm waitin' for you
But I still wear my heart on my sleeve
I'm gonna set things right
I got a job down south
Don't you think about comin' after me

'Cause you got me on your shelf and I just sit here
Thinkin' about when everything was right
And you say, you don't got any answers
Well, I'm tired of you not makin' up your mind
And on Tuesday, I'll be back for my things."
 

- Kathleen Edwards