A lot of little things...

A lot of little things is what I needed.
A lot of little things is what broke me.
what wore me down.
what made me cry
what ruined the truth
what created a lie.

A lot of little things that you never said.
A lot of little things that could have changed it.
That could have fixed it.
That might have stopped the tears.
That built the walls between.
That turned hope into fear.

A lot of little things are most piercing.
A lot of little things are now reminders.
To keep me present.. and guarded.
To ensure that I'm strong at my core.
To never believe in words without action.
To make me mine, and not yours.

A lot of little things...
Still knock me off my feet...
Still suck my breath from me...
Still stop my heart mid-beat...
Still take me day to day...

An observation. A work of fiction, a walking fact.

After listening to him talk about you. I came to the conclusion that either he doesn't know you or…I don't.
He spoke for the longest time about a you that didn't exist to me, leaving me with nothing more than maybes... maybe you've never let me in, maybe you've never let me really see you, maybe the joke was on me.

My heart sank at the thought, as I knew that it would be rather easy I suppose, to hide things from me and only show me that which you wanted to present, seeing as we only spend a few hours here or there.
But it would be much more difficult to hide yourself from one that you share your days and nights with, occupying the same space. Being observed by them constantly.

So here I am now. Left with this. This new and unsettling reality that you are in fact a stranger to me in many ways. That my world has shifted and changed on an unseen level.

That I've never felt more alone.

Scarier yet, that that feels safer to me now, and that part of me wants to keep it that way...

The Slow Burn

I'm tired 

Of being nice.

Of talking.

I don't want to talk anymore.

I want to fuck.

Hard.

I want to tear your clothes off,

And not say please.

I want to press my lips against your neck,

Press your body against the wall,

And hear your sharp exhale of surprise.

Hear your slow moan of pleasure.

Hear the sound escape your lips,

When I lick your throat,

When I slide my hand between your legs. 

To bury my face in your hair and inhale the sweet scent of you.

To feel your heart hammering against my chest.

And your thighs instinctively climb my hips, tighten around me and squeeze.

To feel the weight of you on top of me. 

To be crushed by your mouth.

To forget about propriety and manners.

To be consumed by excitement and passion.

To map every inch of your skin with my finger tips and tongue.

And do it all again just for fun.

I want to take you in my mouth and make you mine for the moment. 

Make you forget about everything else except pleasure,

and want,

and need,

and burn,
and beg...
for more...
for release.

Watch your eyes close as you let go and give in. 

I want to fuck you.

And I don't want to say please.


------

"Because Of You"

Want to, but I can’t help it
I love the way it feels,
It’s got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it, I want it when I don’t
Tell myself I’ll stop everyday, knowin’ that I won't


Think of it every second
I can't get nothing done,
Only concern is the next time, I’m gonna get me some
Know I should stay away from, cause it's no good for me
I try and try but my obsession wont let me leave


I got a problem and I don’t know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don’t know if I would quit but I doubt it
I’m taken by the thought of it, and I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction, I’m so strung out on you
I can barely move but I like it


And it’s all because of you
And it’s all because…
Never get enough,