And in the moment I knew..

"Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star...” ― E.E. Cummings

“Whenever you think or you believe or you know, you're a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you're nobody-but-yourself.” ― E.E. Cummings

Why do we give love to another just to turn around and beat it out of them...Or ourselves? Why is everyone so afraid to feel..anything?

I'm glad that I'm too much, and that I'm not enough. More than anything I'm glad that I have the strength to feel it. To allow everything that comes with it. The good and the tough...the hard. Because the good is worth it. It's great....it's everything...if I let it be. If I don't try to control it, bend it, if I just allow it to be, everything it was intended.

The Space Between

I’m too much,

And not enough.

An impossible paradox.

So I stay, Living in the space between...

And dying there too.

The real me,

Now a shadow of their make believe.

Watching without a word.

Walking by their side,

Unseen and unheard.

------

"And it won't matter now
Whatever happens to me
Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
It won't trouble me

And it feels so close
Let it take me in
Let it hold me so
I can feel it say...
...Everything...".

- Toad the Wet Sproket

"The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches.” ― E.E. Cummings

I wonder why it matters so much to me then, why I can't be more like the snow...
To not think about what happens after I disappear.

Sometimes Cummings is all you need to put things back into perspective

“I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
Alive
with closed eyes
to dash against darkness."

"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.”

― E.E. Cummings, Poems, 1923-1954

Not the good kind...

When does something that was once good for you,
become bad?
Heavy, unhealthy, detrimental, toxic even?
When does it happen? When you're not looking?
And then suddenly BAM.
It's all different, or maybe it's the same and you're just different.
I don't know... so many things it seems sometimes.
How do you discern? Sort through, make sense,
Stay impartial, when every feeling comes from a heart that's biased?
Do no harm, to others, to yourself.
Promises you're made to break.
Walk the line, just don't fall...for it.
Always asking yourself, is it the good kind?
But it's not.
And you know it.

------

"Do you want to run away together
I would say it was your best line ever
Too bad I fell for it

And I walked alone
Waiting for you to come along
Take my tortured heart by the hand
And write me off

Do you know I cry
Do you know I die
Do you know I cry
And it's not the good kind

You forced me to become strong
When I just craved being weak

And you think you know
And I would like to think so
But do you know that when you go
I fall apart

I'm tired of hiding
Behind these lying eyes
I'm tired of this smile
That even I don't recognize

Do you know I cry..."

- The Wreckers

My Beginning, My End..

My Immortal Beloved,
I surrender all,
I submit myself.. to you.
You are my breath and living water.
I love you with everything that I am,
and everything that I have.
Take my pride and crush it. In all things, humble me...
That I might be salt and light.

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost." ~G.K. Chesterton