"There is an illusion of safety in movement, the half formed idea that the fates cannot find us" - Dean Koontz
It's true. That's why I run. I'm a runner. Anyone who really knows me, knows that to be true. Most of the time physically I run, leave, that moment, that minute, from a bad situation or emotion. But even when I don't do that, I check out emotionally, put up barriers, make bold heart statements, close myself to whatever, whoever hurt me and turn, move onto something else. I know that I do it, and yet I cannot seem to stop myself. why? some would say I don't want to....
I wish I was better, braver, stronger, more...enough.
To cope, handle, go through, survive without shutting off. But there is a feeling of strength in casting it ALL off, a feeling of safety in leaving it behind, not looking back. As long as you don't look back, it can't get you..
But we always look back, don't we?
I do. Eventually.
Sometimes that's harder than the hurt. Realizing those things, people are gone, at least the hurt kept them there with you, present.
Missing is a whole other kind of pain.
Crazy days and runaways no matter what the memories stay, and the illusion of freedom fades on the walk down memory lane.
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